Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Bittersweet Christmas

All I really Want- Steven Curtis Chapman

Well, I don't know if you remember me or not
I'm one of the kids they brought in from the home
I was the red-haired boy in an old, green flannel shirt
You may not have seen me, I was standing off alone
I didn't come and talk to you 'cause that's never worked before
And you'll probably never see this letter, anyway
But just in case there's something you can do to help me out
I'll ask you one more time

All I really want for Christmas is someone to tuck me in
A shoulder to cry on if I lose, shoulders to ride on if I win
There's so much I could ask for, but there's just one thing I need
All I really want for Christmas is a family

Well, I guess I should go ahead and tell you now
If it's really true about that list you have
Somehow I always seem to end up in a fight
But I'm really trying hard not to be bad
But maybe if I had a brother or a dad to wrestle with
Maybe they could teach me how to get along
And from everything I've heard, it sounds like the greatest gift on earth
Would be a mom

All I really want for Christmas is someone to tuck me in
A shoulder to cry on if I lose, shoulders to ride on if I win
There's so much I can ask for, but theres just one thing I need
All I really want for Christmas

All I want for Christmas is someone who'll be here
To sing me happy birthday for the next 100 years
And It's okay if they're not perfect or even if they're a little broken
That's alright, 'Cause so am I
Well, I guess I should go, it's almost time for bed
Maybe next time I write you I'll be at home`
Cause all I really want for Christmas is someone to tuck me in
Tell me I'll never be alone, someone whose love will never end
Of all that I could ask for, well, there's just one thing I need
All I really want for Christmas is a family

Normally, I am not a big fan of sappy, try to make you cry christmas songs(Christmas shoes, anyone?), but I love this song. I can't make it through the first verse without crying. One time, I was trying to teach this song to our son Josiah in the car, and started bawling and he laughed and told Selah "this song must be about adoption". I heard it this morning while cleaning out my kid's toybox...and it started me thinking about the abundance of what we have. Which of course then led to thoughts of where my child is now, what he may or may not have, etc. I think I have said before that I don't allow myself to think this very often- it is too overwhelming to think about it for too long.

As I was listening to this song, it struck me that along with the millions of orphans overseas, and the children here in the states waiting for forever families, who knows how many other kids(and adults) will spend the holidays with their biological families, and yet feel like orphans? How many people will end this christmas season surrounded by "loved ones" and yet be incredibly lonely? How many women will have empty arms this christmas but know that they are mothers?(I remember that I got pregnant with my son right before christmas and when people would say"Congrats- you will be a mom!"- I thought to myself- I am already a mom, I have just lost those babies). I also thought about my daughter's birthmother...what is this season like for her?

Lord, help me to not get caught in the craziness of this season that I forget those without a family. Break our hearts so that we can be compassionate. Make us like you, extravegant in your love and mercy. Thank you for the children you have given me, and thank you for their biological families. Thank you for the passion you have given us and thank you for the infertility that led us down this path. Please give me the same mercy and compassion for those who are indifferent. We wait for the day we can hold our son- praying for it to be soon!

Alright adoption bloggers, how are YOU doing this christmas? Especially those who are waiting, what are you doing to help with the wait in this time?


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Letters To Santa

Dear Santa,
My name is Josiah Grady Butler and my birthday is September 5th. How are you? I know you are pretend I like to pretend and play army with my army men. Christmas is Jesus' birthday so I want a birthday cake like a batman birthday cake or a soccer birthday cake for him. My favorite story is David and Goliath and when Jesus died on the cross for our sins. For Christmas I would like a batman mobile and a bed for me and my brother and for my brother to come home because I am going to share my room and my toys with him. I also want a trampoline like Camp has and his brother Cooper played trampoline football with me and he taught me kindness. I want some cool clothes and cool shoes and batman and spiderman sheets and some bath toys and for my brother to come home and for my brother to have dinner every night and breakfast and new leapster games and for B and Y to come home and a dog because we lost Toby and I miss him and a bed for my sister so she won't bang her head and some books from that fun store about Jesus. I love you.


Dear Santa,
I love you and I want a new kitchen and some not breakable stuff I don't want to break my stuff thats all I want and I love Santa and I am going to hug you thats all and thats my favorite thing because he is my best friend and I want a pink barbie and to have a bride dress to dress up to marry Caleb and a pink leapster and can you wrap it and I like Caleb but Hannah and Charly are my best friends you not allowed to marry your brother or daddy and a pink bike and to play with those big girls again please please please can I have ballerina classes and can you bring some leapsters and spidermans for those kids don't have any toys and a fun fun trampoline and to not sneak food anymore and please please please with a cherry a baby sister with the baby brother and lots and lots of baby sisters and a huge huge pillow for my room and a new bed and Barbie cereal and thats all and I love Jesus.


These letters crack me up...Josiah's "fun store" is Mardel, a christian book store. It makes me laugh and cry to hear him ask for his brother to have dinner and breakfast every day. Selah was so excited to do her letter, and I had no idea she had such strong feelings for Caleb Fournet : )

Monday, December 1, 2008

Great News...and now we wait

Brandy here....just got an email from our caseworker Natalie, saying that we were placed on the waitlist on 11/26/08. The average wait is 4-6 months, but we also know it could be longer. So now we are officially officially expecting! I wonder if this means Wes should cater to my cravings...hmmm...I have been craving ethiopian food....